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  • Writer's picturebellschels

It's Just Not Working Out

Updated: Aug 25

I have never considered myself skinny. I labeled myself "skinny fat" where I was basically skinny, but you couldn't see my bones. Wow, growing up in the 90's/00's with Britney Bitch and Xtina was harsh. These were the types of women I looked up to and prayed I would look like when I was older. I would hop on the family's exercise bike and go as fast as I could for maybe about 5 minutes, then run into my room and lift my shirt. Do I have abs? Am I skinny yet? To ease my pain (emotional and physical), I'd devour a bag of Cheetos while sitting on the couch watching Boy Meets World. Those were the days...

This behavior would eventually decline. However, then I would get together with my college boyfriend. He started developing a complicated and brutal relationship with food and exercise, which in turn, affected my relationship with food and exercise. It wouldn't be until I broke up with him that my HEALTHY relationship toward food and exercise would commence.

Cut to: I have been regularly exercising for over a year now. It started with the simple task of acquiring discipline (yes, that was a note of sarcasm). That was when my life coach came into the picture. She asked me what I wanted to do and I told her I wanted to be more disciplined. I told her that I wanted to get into an exercise routine, and I wanted the focus to be on yoga. I had heard everything you've heard about yoga, so I wanted to try that shit out. My life coach asked me if I could do yoga every day for a week? I did. The next week- yoga'd up. The week after that- downward doggin'. Finally, a month of yoga! Sure, I'd skip a day every now and again, but I felt it the next day! I was all cricky-cracky. This kept up until finally I added more exercises in (literally, YouTube) and now I crave it. I crave exercise more than Cheetos, and babe, that is saying something. I eat as healthy as I can on most days! Whenever I want to hit the nearest coffee shop and indulge, however, I go for it.

I dive right into that chocolate croissant and pumpkin caramel mocha (I made that up but damn does it sound awesome) - just as long as I'm not doing it to fill a void. You feel me?

The truth is, there are days I don't work out. There are days I sit around and eat raccoon food. Those days are usually when I'm feeling the most depressed, and the sucky part about that is: when you're depressed you don't wanna work out, but you should work out because you'd be less depressed. Exercise releases endorphins! In the last couple years, I've discovered that if I don't take care of my mental health, I can fall into depression hard and fast. So, I do everything I can to keep that from happening. Exercise at the top of my day immediately helps me to feel productive and good about myself. To think it all started with the simple task of practicing yoga everyday for a week is pretty cool. Setting small goals for yourself can get you on the right path. Discipline is something learned and practiced every minute. How much TV should I watch? How many times should I press snooze?

Speaking of snooze, let's put this post to bed. (Nice segue, am I right?) Exercise brings me happiness and peace of mind. Even if it's only a 5 minute yoga sequence in the morning- every bit helps! Plus, all of the yoga, pilates, and exercise I do is free. Bless YouTube. No need for the gym. More to the point, let's do everything we can to feel GOOD about ourselves. This past year of regular exercise and healthy eating has led me to a point where I actually believe people when they tell me I'm skinny. I prefer fit warrior goddess, but skinny will do. You see? I am confident and ready to hit the runway! Actually, I am considering modeling... which is something I never would have considered a year ago! And, it's not because I'm magically skinnier and more beautiful- it's my perspective of myself that has changed. Okay, well, those are my words of wisdom for the day. I'm gonna go make some cookies.

This strong feminine warrior is being photographed by Andrew Gandy

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